Perfect on the Outside
by protejerinnocencia
Summary: Hermione talks about her marriage to Harry, post Hogwarts. It's not as perfect as everyone thinks.


**Perfect on the Outside**

People tell me I'm lucky. Say that they wish they were me. I just ignore them. They wouldn't believe me even if I told them. My name is Hermione Potter. That's right; I'm the wife of the savior of the world. Like I said, it's not all it's said to be. Sure for a while everything was great. The war had just ended and Harry had proposed. I couldn't imagine saying no and we got married over the summer. That was five years ago. The second year of our marriage brought about the birth of our first child, Nessa Elise. Harry fell in love with her the moment he held her for the first time. I thought nothing could be better than raising my first child with the man I loved.

Last year things began to change, taking a turn for the worst. Harry would go out after work with his friends and wouldn't come home until three or four in the morning. He was usually wasted. I tried to take it in stride and be there for him. He seemed depressed and upset but he refused to tell me what was wrong. I think he would have stopped talking to me altogether if I hadn't gotten pregnant with our second child eleven months ago. While I was pregnant, Harry seemed to be getting better. He would come home right after work and help me make dinner. After Jamison Edward's birth, I prayed that Harry would keep going on the path to recovery. He did, for a couple of weeks. Then one night he didn't come home for dinner. I put Nessa and Jamison to bed and waited for him. That's when everything started to go down hill. That night he hit me. He apologized in the morning. I accepted. After all he really couldn't have meant to hit me. Things kept escalating over the next month until two weeks ago.

The day started like any other day. Harry left for work before the crack of dawn. I got up around 7 o'clock to check on Jamison and Nessa. Both were up and ready for the day by 7:45. The day seemed to creep by at a rather dull pace. Lunch time passed without any unforeseen problems. I put Jamison down for a nap around one o'clock and then spent some time with Nessa.

"Mummy play with me," Nessa begged as I walked back into the sitting room.

"What do you want to play sweetie?" I asked.

"Candy land," she exclaimed, pulling the box from the cupboard of games.

We set up the game board on the table and proceeded to play. Nessa really is a smart child. She knows all of her colors and is picking up numbers quickly. Around 2, noises from the baby monitor ended the game. I got Jamison up and fed him. The three of us watched _Walt Disney's the Lion King_. The rest of the evening was uneventful and as had become his habit once more, Harry was not home for dinner.

I tucked Nessa into bed around 8:15. Jamison had gone down at 7 but had just woken up. Turning off the light and closing the door halfway, I crossed the hall into my son's room. I picked him up and cradled him, quieting his cries. Once he had settled down again, I laid him in his crib and went to the sitting room. I turned on the TV and stared at it absently. My mind was on my husband. While I trusted him, the thoughts that he was cheating on me constantly ebbed into my consciousness. But as soon as they would surface I would bat them away. I fell asleep to my racing thoughts, only to be woken up by the crackling of the baby monitor on the table. I rose and walked to Jamison's room. It was 11:30. Just as I got him back to sleep I heard the front door open. I was seated in the large armchair by my son's crib. I stayed where I was, child in my lap. I heard him stumble around in the front hall, hanging up his cloak. There was a mumbled crash followed by a string of curses. I set Jamison back in his crib and slowly closed the door. I turned around and came face-to-face with my bleary-eyed, alcohol perfumed husband. Neither of us moved for a moment. I took a step to my right and gave him a forced smile. Just as I was almost past him, he grabbed me by the arm and began to drag me towards the bedroom.

"Ow. Harry let go," I protested, trying to pull my arm from his grip.

"Shut up," he slurred as he tossed me at the bed and shut the door, locking it. The sound of the door being secured sent a shiver of fear up my spine.

"Harry, please. I just got the baby back to sleep," I begged, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I said shut up," he spat at me, his eyes glowing.

I felt a tear slide down my cheek as he moved closer. I was ready for the blows I knew would come. I could hide them well. He didn't hit me. He leaned forward and kissed me. I could taste the alcohol on his breath. Confusedly, I pushed him away. I shouldn't have done it, looking back. He grabbed my wrists and threw me down on the bed. I tried to get out from under him but he was much stronger than I was. The moment he covered my mouth with his, I knew what was going to happen, what was happening. My husband, the man I pledged my love to, was going to rape me. I tossed back and forth under him, doing anything I could to keep him from keeping me still. He finally broke the kiss and released one wrist long enough to slap me across the face.

"Look bitch. You keep moving and it's only going to hurt more," he growled angrily.

"Harry you don't want to do this. Why don't we just go to sleep and talk about it in the morning," I pleaded. I couldn't, wouldn't believe my husband was capable of rape.

He didn't answer me. He reached for his wand and leveled it shakily at me. I stopped talking. I had no idea what he would do in his inebriated state with a wand. He flicked it and I shuddered as my clothes disappeared and reappeared in a pile on the floor. I lay beneath him, completely naked. I caught a malicious glint in his eyes and felt hot tears start to run down my cheeks. I braced myself as his hand came down on my face again. Suddenly the weight keeping me pinned to the bed was lifted as he stood up on wobbly legs.

"Don't even think about moving," he snapped as he undid his shirt and pants.

I remained still. He slid his boxers off and set his wand on the edge of the night table. He was nursing a strong erection. He grinned at me and crawled on top of me. He began to kiss my neck and shoulder. I do love my husband but I was not going to let him treat me like dirt. I pushed him away.

"I'm serious Harry. Stop," I said with as much authority as I could muster.

"Will you just shut the fuck up!' he howled.

"No. No I won't," I shot back.

I raised my arms above my face as his fists came down upon them. It seemed like it would go on forever. Suddenly the pain in my forearms ceased and another pain began rip through my body. I uncovered my face to see Harry teasing me, slowly inserting himself just far enough to cause slight discomfort.

"I said stop!" I shouted at him.

This only seemed to egg him on. He forced himself on me. I cried out in pain. I tried to push him off but found that it hurt even more. My heart leapt for a moment as he began to pull out only to fall as he slammed back in. I opened my mouth to try and protest again but found that I could not find my voice. I felt my body beginning to react to the stimulation against my will. I was not enjoying this but now I was rendered helpless. All I could do was lay there and take it, praying it would end soon. I let out a cry as I reached my breaking point, feeling myself pulsate around Harry's member. Shortly thereafter, he came, moaning loudly, as if mocking me. He took his sweet time pulling out. As soon as he out I sat up and moved towards my clothes. He was too busy grinning to himself like the drunken jackass he was to notice. What caught his attention was the sound of the rolling suitcases hitting the wooden floor.

"What the bloody fucking hell do you think you're doing?" he hissed.

"Packing," I shot back, waving my wand. Clothes began to pack themselves into the two large black pieces of luggage.

"You're not going anywhere," he snickered, moving to bar my path to the night table.

"You can't keep me here Harry. Face it, you've fucked up. I've stayed with you because I love you. But I am not going to sit around and take this shit anymore," I yelled, slapping him across the face.

I moved towards the door, the suitcases, zipping themselves up. With another flick of my wrist the suitcases were in the hallway with Nessa's sky blue one and several overnight bags filled with diapers, bottles and other accouterments Jamison would need. I walked into Nessa's room and roused her.

"Come on sweetie. Get up," I said hurriedly.

"Where we going Mummy?" she questioned sleepily.

"We're going on a trip," I whispered as we crossed the hall. I placed Jamison in his carrier and left the room.

Harry was standing in the doorway, fully dressed. Nessa gazed up at him in confusion. She extended her hand to him, as if asking if he was coming. He was leaning on the doorframe, trying to keep from falling over.

"Daddy's not coming," I said sharply and levitated the luggage to the front door.

"Where are you going?" he called as I led our daughter down the stairs.

"I really don't think that's any of your business," I shot back as I helped Nessa with her coat.

"You can't just pack up and take them. They're my kids too," he argued, making his way down the stairs.

"I'm sorry Harry but it's just not safe for them," I said, my voice softening slightly as I pulled the front door open.

As if on cue, the Knight Bus appeared and the conductor loaded our luggage onto the bus. I walked outside with my children and without a second glance backwards, boarded the bus. I got Nessa settled in a bed as the bus sped off, leaving Harry staring dumbfounded after us in the front doorway.

We are staying at my parent's house until I can find a place of my own. An investigation is underway of my accusation of what Harry had done to me. He'd also been served with a restraining order and divorce papers. I found out today that he'll be going to prison. I received a letter from him begging me to let him see his children just one more time. My answer was 'no'. Don't get me wrong, I do love Harry. But not the man he has become. Hopefully prison will help him change his ways. Maybe then we'll see what happens.


End file.
